NEW BEGINNINGS

Hello, my dear friends of life in my heavenly Turkey, whose health is precious, whose hearts are kind, whose souls are beautiful, and who are full of awareness.

Over the months we’ve spent together, we’ve shared dozens of different topics and columns. Now, we’re a growing family. We’ve grown more knowledgeable every day. I’ve learned so much from you. We’ve bonded together. At times, we’ve discovered ourselves. I think the most profound values ​​we’ve discovered are the concepts of “intention and love.”

Speaking of love and intentions, I wanted to share an email from one of our readers at their insistence.

Dear Mr. Uğur! For as long as I can remember, throughout my childhood and youth, my father always compared me and my mother to others, belittling us. We are three siblings; two sisters are married, but both are in worse mental health than me. I wanted to study a different subject at university. Despite this, I barely managed to study economics in Cyprus. Or rather, I was allowed to study it. Then I did my master’s degree in England. I have never been able to make a single decision on my own. Even the furniture in the house I live in was chosen by my father. Now I am a 35-year-old married man with two children. For a long time, I worked for our own company for a meager salary. Even though I was the general manager, I was subjected to daily reprimands, complaints, and insults.

I experienced the same situation repeatedly in my own home, in front of my wife and children. My father’s insults were endless. My mother constantly interfered with my wife, our children, and our marriage. My marriage began to be jeopardized. We almost divorced because of this stress.

About three months ago, I told my father I wanted to quit my job. He swore at me and kicked me out of his office. Then, still angry, he came into my office. It hurts me, Mr. Uğur, that a grown man would slap me in the face. At that age, I was slapped by my father, in front of your own employees. That day I grabbed my jacket and left.

I don’t see my father anymore. He’s also forbidden my mother and sisters from seeing him. My mother calls me secretly, crying and saying she wants to live with us. When I told my husband that my mother would be living with us, we argued. He said he wanted a divorce again. I’m only holding on to life for my children. These burdens are too heavy now, sir.

Write my full name, my company name, and my father’s name in your newspaper, even read it on television. Read it so that it serves as a lesson to everyone. I await your reply. I will come to see you as soon as possible. Kind regards.

I think most behavioral patterns and emotions are passed down from father to son. Sometimes, even when children are adults approaching 40, they unfortunately don’t realize they’ve caught this virus. And that, in my opinion, is the most painful aspect of it all.

I believe that when a husband and wife share a home, they should discuss important family decisions together and reach a conclusion based on their opinions. However, the opposite is true in this email. The head of the family makes a decision and informs his wife of it.

So we need to ask ourselves these questions:

As a 35-year-old father, I have never been able to make my own decisions. Do I have the right to subject my wife and children to a similar situation?

Who am I?

Am I my father’s son?

Or am I a self-aware, proactive “human being”?

What will be the consequences of balancing bilateral relations and the potential financial losses resulting from any breach of these balances?

As you can see, it seems that this awareness requires a powerful awakening rather than just training and master’s degrees. What do you think would trigger this awakening?

Throughout our relationships, there have been times when we felt used. However, most of the time, we don’t even realize that we’re the ones using ourselves, that we’re actually becoming alienated from ourselves. In this case, we reap what we sow. We humans most often do this: if we don’t like the harvest, we easily blame everyone and everything except ourselves. It seems our ability in this regard surpasses that of all other living things in the universe.

Most of the decisions we make in this life are centered around anxiety, fear, lust, passion, and possibilities.

Will she ever stop loving me?

I didn’t flatter my boss today; I wonder if he’ll change his mind about promoting me.

When we stop loving each other wholeheartedly and begin to become each other’s puppets, even though we suppress and repress our feelings, we actually become modern slaves to our own pride and honor. How sad.

I think it’s time to make some radical decisions as we begin a new year. I wish you many happy and healthy years, where you can face your true selves and openly discuss your issues. And I say:

“Don’t try to change someone else. Change yourself. Then, the world you live in will change.”

Stay well and with love.

Uğur Uğural