EXISTENCE AND GENEROSITY IN LIFE

An email we received a few years ago from İclal, a teacher in Sakarya, illustrated how much importance we place on the positions, statuses, and social identities we wear, and the fine line between being an entity and being human.

We wanted to address this topic in this week’s Sunday chats. This week, we discussed the culture of fear and the letter that teacher İclal sent us with businesswomen, businessmen, and families.

You can watch the full text of this letter in our conversation titled “Know Your Limits” in the “There’s So Much to Share” section.

We also published this conversation on our social media page today with the permission of teacher İclal. We understood that families, our people, society, teachers, and educators have deep wounds regarding this issue. We received hundreds of emails and dozens of letters from you. One of them is from Alev Lady , an educator who is married and a mother of two children.

Alev Veoğulları:
It would be very easy to start sentences with “If I were in the place of our teacher Iclal…” But speaking for myself, I don’t know. How would I have reacted, what would have happened? All I know is that I would have acted in a way that I believed was right, without giving in or hesitating. Although not as drastic, I have experienced similar things in my professional life. Once, I needed to speak with the governor of a province on the phone. I addressed him as “Mr. Mustafa.” Within a few hours, I received a warning that I should address him as “Mr. Governor.” However, I said I wouldn’t, and that if they wanted, they could give the job to someone else. My form of address was truly spontaneous; I didn’t know or think it could be a problem. It hadn’t been a problem when I spoke with other governors. But bowing to someone with such a complex didn’t suit me. They didn’t take the job from me, so I continued to call him “Mr. Mustafa.” After a while, we even had quite pleasant conversations about tourism. I don’t take professional life, social or economic statuses very seriously. I like money, but only for living. And when I don’t have it, I have plenty of things to laugh about. “Eyvallah” is one of the words I dislike the most, and I don’t use it. What’s important is courtesy, goodwill, and the relationships we have with people. If I’m not disrespecting someone, it’s because of that. Regarding İclal Teacher, I agree with you on what you said about anger. I think she took it too seriously, and, with all due respect to herself and you, she succumbed to her ego, which is why she lost control of her anger. Also, we’re in an environment where everyone knows everything now. It’s obvious that the committee went there just for show. I guess I wouldn’t have upset myself knowing all that. But again, you can’t know something until you experience it.

Uğur Uğural:
In some societies that haven’t completed their socio-emotional development, social roles (position, rank, status, identity, etc.) have a high label value, Ms. Alev. Especially in such societies, people become more royalist than the king himself. These royalists play high in the stock market for the sake of gaining favor with the king, all for the sake of label value. I once witnessed such communication in the board of trustees of an institution that supposedly provides “education/training” services from kindergarten to university. It’s sad that we live unaware of the psychological state of the people who manage the places where we send our children, believing them to be safe schools. What do you think a child receiving education in such an institution would model? What do you say?

Alev Veoğulları:
So, if a child lives in a family that values ​​positive things and has strong communication with them, then they tend to stand out. Those who constantly cause trouble are labeled as troublemakers by their friends and teachers. And that’s really how it is. Because this kind of pressure, applied to a child in their learning years, makes them restless. They constantly clash with others at school. However, if there are people in their family who have similar problems and the child is already growing up under pressure, then in the short term, they become a child who doesn’t cause any problems. They only apply the same things to a younger person. All the problems begin later when they themselves become a parent, uncle, aunt, etc., or hold an important position in their job. Even if they don’t achieve anything else, they always pressure everyone they perceive as beneath them. They constantly label people as “below” or “above,” etc. Depending on their position, they either show this to everyone or hide it very well. In fact, the vast majority of society is in the same situation. In some way, very few people don’t harbor these negative traits. The father beats the mother, or at best scolds her, disregarding her words; the mother does the same to the children. The children apply it to siblings or cousins, and over time to their friends in their social circle. As they grow up, they apply it to their wife, to their employees in their professional life, etc… this vicious cycle continues. Meanwhile, some people are discovering the truth and striving to move forward. But that same society is beheading them, or trying to behead them. Oh, Mr. Uğur, we’re in such a state that we’re even trying to teach people what “no” means. Imagine, we live with men and women who are raised believing that if someone says “no,” they might have meant “maybe,” if someone says “maybe,” they might have meant “yes,” and if someone says “yes,” they might have jumped on the bandwagon…

Children trapped in a culture of fear are more royalist than the king himself.