GETTING LOST IN THE SEARCH OF LOVE
I know we all have many topics we’d like to discuss about life. There are things we don’t realize happen in the flow of life that deeply affect us, harming us like a reactor that drains our energy. Today’s topic is about losses in our life stories. With Mr. Mahmut’s permission, I’d like to share his life story with you.
Mahmut Bey’s parents separated when he was very young. Such separations experienced by children at a young age are significant losses and leave deeper scars than we might imagine. The bond between parent and child is so strong that the child cannot cope directly with this separation and loss.
Mahmut Bey had tried to ignore his parents’ separation, attempting to remove this loss from his life. In essence, this was an attempt to escape the pain. However, there was no escaping the pain, and Mahmut Bey would not find the family love he needed in this way. Thus, like a broken record, he remained stuck at the point where he had lost his family, unable to accept that his parents had gone.
It is not easy for children, drowning in the pool of anger created by parents like Mahmut Bey who seek revenge on each other, to complete their relationship with life. For this, the loss must be fully accepted and the pain must be re-experienced. Yet, this was precisely the pain that Mahmut Bey had been running from for years. Although he hoped to leave everything behind, the wound in his heart and the deep cracks in his family system would not allow it.
During his childhood and youth, Mr. Mahmut tried to win his mother’s love and attention by acting like a father to her. In the process, he suffered much verbal and physical abuse. By behaving like a father to his mother, he went against the natural order of things and spent his life trying to give her love. Yet, it was he who needed to receive love from her. In our conversation today, we discovered that he experiences the same thing with his wife and children.
Mahmut Bey, unable to receive love and support from his own parents, tried to obtain it from his wife and his own children by acting like a child himself. In doing so, his wife and children began to give him affection, love, and support instead of receiving it. Perhaps this web of relationships would be passed down from generation to generation.
Time flies by, slipping away before we even realize it. I think that for our outer and inner selves to dance in harmony, we need to grow inward as much as we grow outward.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
With love and respect.
Uğur Uğural
