HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE
Hello dear friends,
I would like to share an observation that my colleague and wife, dear Çiğdem, and I witnessed, as written by her.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.
With love and respect.
Uğur Uğural
HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE
My wife Uğur and I are waiting at the pier in Karaköy to go to Kadıköy after work. The fatigue and stress of the day are clearly visible on people’s faces. Brows are furrowed, faces are grim. People, unable to walk because of sidewalks used as parking lots by cars and encroached upon by construction sites, are in a hurry to reach the pier to shelter from the cold and rain. Amidst hundreds of similar metropolitan scenes that violate the limits of human existence, everyone is waiting for the ferry to arrive.
During this wait, we witness the loud dialogue between the elderly couple in front of us. The man contradicts his wife no matter what she says, insisting otherwise. Both are blaming each other’s families. Clearly, there is a lack of communication within the family and problems the spouses have regarding their own families.
I’m thinking about this. Perhaps searching for answers to problems outside ourselves, problems that we could solve by looking inward, and blaming others, is increasing our anger and making it easier to interpret every statement negatively.
Couples are unable to be flexible, accepting, and forgiving towards each other. Instead of trying to untangle the knots that are blocking their understanding, couples who cannot tolerate each other’s flaws and characteristics eventually begin to lose faith in the relationship itself.
While couples are often adept at managing other people outside their immediate circle (for example, in the workplace), very few people enter a close relationship with the basic knowledge needed to make it happy. People in intimate relationships often don’t know how to make decisions together or how to decipher their partner’s messages. Couples might know how to fix a leaky ceiling, but they often don’t know what to do when the love between them at work diminishes day by day.
Marriage is different from other relationships in life. When a couple begins living together with the aim of a long-term relationship, they start to have certain expectations of each other. The intensity of the relationship revives long-dormant yearnings for unconditional love, loyalty, and support. And spouses expect these deep needs to be met by each other, either explicitly through words or implicitly through actions.
I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this matter as well. Thank you in advance for participating, and I send you my best regards.
Çiğdem Gül Uğural
